


Visions of Her

by savanting



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Good Ol' Reylo, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren Redemption, One Shot, Short One Shot, squint between the lines of canon and this could fit in there somehow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 11:02:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25469722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/savanting/pseuds/savanting
Summary: Kylo Ren is haunted, Ben Solo is surely dead within him, and Rey is ever the phantom behind his eyelids. One-Shot.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	Visions of Her

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Star Wars, Kylo Ren/Ben Solo, or Rey. But here is a little ficlet about Kylo Ren's path to falling in love with "that girl." Enjoy!

Seeing her at first was like she had stepped out of his dreamland, a rebel princess out of step in the green forestry that surrounded her. The voices in his head whispered amongst themselves, transient and garbled, a bad transmission he couldn’t decipher. He caught snips of noise -- _that girl_ , _scavenger rat_ , _birthright_ and _destiny_ \-- but they were pieces that made no sense to him out of their necessary context. He didn’t know what the Force was trying to tell him. All he knew was that the girl in front of him was so afraid to see him that the fear bled off her in waves.

Her eyes were pools that were fit for drowning men like him. Anger lurked there, as well as a raw sense of honor and a want for acceptance, and he was sure his own eyes at times mirrored the same. It was like seeing himself echoed in her gaze.

But she was beautiful too. That was what stood out starkly against the rumble of her energy, so at odds with her comely face. Those were lips he could imagine kissing, tasting, consuming.

And then her mouth opened in a snarl as she aimed a blaster at him and shot.

*

 _Rey._ Her name was a soft sound on his tongue as he watched her, expectant for the moment she would awaken in this chamber. Even then, the Force spoke to him in streams and bursts, and he didn’t know what it was about this girl, this scavenger, that made the Force react in a frenzy.

Then, so slowly, her eyes fluttered open -- and, as her eyes adjusted and settled on him, the fear came back like a torrent. It was a bitter thing, to know that he was the object of her fear, but once he might have relished it. But there was no gratification in scaring a girl who looked so young and vulnerable.

“Where am I?” she asked, her voice a hush in the noise floating around him, and he smiled behind his mask.

“You’re my guest.”

*

And of course they clashed. Always, wherever the setting, she was there to taunt him. He felt weak in her presence, far from the master of the Force he so wanted to be. Whether through words or a dance of lightsabers, they were always circling each other like animals who couldn’t decide if they should attack or yield.

The Force, of course, had other ideas. He would see flashes of her, so near yet so far, and always she noted his presence with a sense of unease and irritation. He had no idea where she was - he could not see past her, his vision flooded with just her - but somehow it was a relief to see she was safe.

Then, just once, she held out her hand to him. Her hand trembled, so close, beckoning him.

When he touched her, his mind flooded with images: her smile, gleeful, as she led him to a raised dais -- upon which stood a throne the color of obsidian -- and he saw she was wearing a black outfit that was the exact opposite to the neutral tones she usually wore. She tugged him towards her and kissed him languidly, like she was claiming him as hers. And when she looked at him, her irises were circled in a glow of red.

Just when he was processing this, there was an explosion of sound, and her hand jerked away, taking the sight of her as empress away with it. And for the first time he felt a kernel of worry - small but building - that she may have been harmed in some way.

No, he could not allow that. The one who harmed her would be skewered by his lightsaber if he ever caught them. He would burn down cities, entire planets, just to gain retribution for whatever harm came to her.

It was not the kind of love that comforted; it was a love that sought to dominate.

It would be a long while before that changed.

*

In fever dreams, he imagined taking her in his arms and kissing her as she pressed closer to him. Sometimes they sat upon the throne he had envisioned, her in his lap, as he ran his mouth down her skin. Other times, they lay in a moonlit meadow where all he had to do was stroke her head to feel a sense of peace. These two contrasts, so different from each other, left him with a want that was confused, festering inside him till he felt that he might go insane from the longing.

And, always, she would whisper his name, his true name: _Ben._

*

She became muse and nightmare to him, keeping him company even when he should have silenced the bond between them. No matter where he went, there she followed. But it was not her: it was the ghost of his want, his desire never to be lonely again. And then she would smile at him, her lips pressed together as if she kept a secret locked behind her mouth. It was agony and sweetness and so much more and so much less.

Her hand, that she had once held out to him, was not offered again.

*

Her power lay in the fact that she _was_ no one. Even as he chased her across the stars, she always evaded him. And he could imagine her disappointment. He was not living up to the name _Ben Solo_ ; he was, and probably always would be, the monster _Kylo Ren_. Her love alone, if he ever gained it, would not be a cure-all. He would still bear the weight of his sins, each and every one. Whole planets had imploded because of his complicity. And he had no excuse. He was a Force user; he could have had control of the whole First Order with just the benefit of mind control.

But he was afraid. Like she had once accused him. He was a man riddled with insecurities and shortcomings, and he worried that he would never be able to rid himself of such weakness. Both masters he had served had been alike in one way: they could not hide their disappointment in him. And Rey, light that she was, showed him that he was every bit the monster she had once declared him.

The voices still simmered in the background of his thoughts like a snake waiting to engulf prey. And every time they told him one thing: _Kill the girl. Kill the girl, and you will be free._

But there was the impasse: perhaps he did not want to be free of her. Maybe he wanted to be possessed, as long as she was his master.

And the truth was that he did not want to live in a galaxy where she did not exist.

*

Her eyes were dead, staring upwards, lifeless like the glass eyes of dolls. Her body grew cold in his arms, as if all the warmth were seeping out of her pores. No matter how tightly he held her, she was not coming back. She was gone.

But that was not enough for him. No, he would not stand for it. Too much had been stolen from him that he could not abide that the Force would just take her away without a fight.

He breathed out as he channeled his own energy through her. _Please,_ his mind whispered like a prayer, like a sacred mantra. _Please bring her back._

It didn’t matter that his warmth was being transferred to her. It didn’t matter that his blood was running cold as color returned to her face. It didn’t matter that he knew he was making a choice that would mean the cost of everything he still had within him.

What did it matter, since his life was nothing without her in it. And the galaxy still needed her. It did not need him.

Then, he opened his eyes to see her staring up at him, her eyes agleam with life, a smile twitching alive on her lips.

“Ben.” His name was a sigh on her tongue.

Before he could even register it, she had taken his face in her hands and kissed him. She was real. She was alive. And she was no longer just a vision trapped behind his eyelids.

He smiled against her mouth, even as he felt the life weeping from his body. He was not long for this world.

But Ben Solo grinned, triumphant, because finally he was free.


End file.
